Вперше в житті написала таку довгу байку. Одна ніч — одна казка. Гумор своєрідний і зрозумілий лише тим, хто на одній хвилі зі мною. Публікую оригінал, тобто англійською. Переклала її на рідну мову, але якось зовсім не гарно звучить. Може колись доберу кращих слів і зроблю більш вдалий переклад, який звучатиме краще, ніж оригінал...
based on Daniel Orozco's "Orientation"
This summer Rosemary Wilson moved to another city with her parents. Her father was offered a new job, he dreamed about all his life. Rosemary was really sad about the flit, because she loved her hometown with all her heart, though it was very small and unpromising. She also had a lot of good friends there and was the best student in the local college. Rosemary was sure that in the new city her life would be terrible, because she was an intravert and it was really hard and stressful for her to adapt herself in a new place. The city they moved to was called New Babylon or just Babylon as it was much often called. It was five times bigger then her hometown. The first two weeks there the whole Wilson family, besides organizing everything with the new house, were trying to find a really good college for Rosemary. She was fond of drawing, that’s why the final decision was to go to the Babylon Сollege of Arts (BCA).
When they came to the College the first time officially to sign up for the coming year, the dean met them in his huge office. While the dean was explaining to the girl's parents all the rules and details about the college and admittance of Rosemary, he asked one of the senior students to show her around.
It was a tall handsome young man. He introduced himself as Andy and politely offered Rosemary to follow him for a small excursion. They exited the dean's office and walked slowly down the hall. Here the excursion started.
Andy: Here is our huge hall in which nearly five hundred of our lazy students are scamping daily. Here is where the day of each student starts, as well as the teacher and any worker of the BCA — our Big Corruptional Academy. Don't be confused, Rosemary, I know, it's not really what you expected, but still, despite some nuisances you will enjoy studying here. Let's turn to the left. There are some rooms, where classes are held. Students have some lectures here, we also take tests every week. And here is your future classroom. It's nice and cozy. Last year the walls were brushed in this beautiful pink colour, as bright as roseberries. The girls of your future group have brought these pretty barbie-dolls and teddy bears. This huge mirror was put overthere by the boys of the same group. They also hung these strawberry curtains.
Pay attention, the best desk to sit in, espesially during the tests, is over there, in the left corner under the picture of Hello Kitty. It is the best place to cheat. Don't ever sit down behind the desk in the middle, because Big Barry sits here, he usually has stomache disorders and makes some smells all the time. The stink is awful. Last year Amanda even lost consciousness.
Be careful with the Italian professor. His name is Lorenzo and he is really a fanatic about his work. He is fond of poetry. Sometimes while reciting Italian poems he increases his voice, so the students of the first two rows have to shut their ears with the hands. He might also spit on the students sometimes. Once he even got on the table and shouted: ‘‘O bella e vaga Aurora!” He is weird, but handsome and romantic. All the girls fall in love with him. On Valentine’s Day last year he got 227 valentines, considering there are 234 girls in the college.
As for some dangerous things, there are few guys in your group who compete between themselves in cutting off girl’s pony-tales and pig-tales. So be careful and don’t ever fall asleep during classes, even in Mrs. Salt’s class, who teaches the Theory of Art and buzzes like a fly, so nobody can understand her. You can easily recognize these violent boys by their clothes; they wear only lime-green, unlike the others, who wear mostly pink. By the way, you shouldn’t wear this beautiful blue dress, because everybody will think that you are a black ship and will boycott you. The boys are members of the college organization — The Babylon Criminal Apprehension (BCA).
In your group there is one more person you should stay away from. It is Chloe Davis. Near three years ago she started to date with some Diego Rojas. She feels very jealous about him, and suspects all the other girls are trying to steal her boyfriend, though none of us have ever seen him. Chloe is very emotional and reacts all the time. She might even try to fight with the girls. She is sitting over there near the picture of the Latino guy and the hearts everywhere on it.
Let’s see the other classrooms. Here is the Painting class. You will spend a lot of time here while studying. It is not allowed to speak here during classes. Those who speak will be punished harshly — he will have to finish his painting standing on one leg. If he does not finish his work, he will have to drink his paints. But calm down, it has never happened yet.
And here is our Magic room for meditation. Every day after the theoretical studies, all students come here and try to get some inspiration before starting art. You ask about the smell, oh yeah, it is from the aromatic chopsticks. They really help you to concentrate on the highest matters. There is also a great shisha from Egypt, however, it is only for seniors. But don’t be disappointed, you can give a small bribe to any of the senior students and he will allow you to inhale it few times. You are not disappointed about it? You don't smoke?! Oh, I see. You are very odd, Rosemary, try to keep it secret, because otherwise the others won't speak to you.
Okay, let’s continue. Right now we are in one of the most important apartments of the BCA. It is our gym. Everybody in the Academy should practice some sports. We have a lot of alternatives, including cricket, ping-pong, billiards, figure skating and chess for fat students. But the most prestigious workshop is the cheerleading. In our Academy, the Babylon Cheerleading Association (BCA) is located. Do your best to join it!
I also would like to show you our awesome dining room. It is on the seventh and last floor. It is a really good location, because while going there we lose weight. Every day we eat the same — buckwheat, fish cutlet and salad with fresh vegetables. You hate fish and vegetables? It’s not a big deal. You will enjoy the meals here. Our chief cooker, Mrs. Washington, has huge experience. She has worked here since the establishment of the college, which means hmm… wow! 89 years! So, I'm sure you will enjoy her food.
Rosemary, are you okay? Your face is pale. If you need to go to the bathroom, it is outside, only 500 m from the college. No, we don’t have any water closets inside, except one in the Teacher’s room, but student’s are not allowed to use it. Rosemary! Come back! Where you going?! I haven’t shown you our cemetery of bad and fake paintings!
I guess, she’s gone… But she will come back. She hasn’t seen the other colleges yet.
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